The month of March was a busy one, filled with work and a sense that things were just going from bad to worse. Throat infections have emerged, relationships have disintegrated and the pace of life has become work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep. Quite the monotonous lifestyle. My first four months here were pure heaven, typical of travels. I’ve experienced this in almost every new place I’ve been to. 2006, a year which had been so unhappy for me, seemed to end on a beautiful note. I had a new country, culture and language to sharpen my teeth on and my experiences continued to be beautiful. I maintain those impressions of Korea.
Of course, it is not perfect. There are aspects to the culture that I think I will always have a hard time dealing with. Those include the incredible rudeness people display in crowds. Apologies are non-existent 95% of the time so you just have to bite your lip and move on. Though in the West I would immediately demand an apology, regardless of the person’s age if they pushed me or cut me off in line, here I’m learning to keep my mouth shut and it is a difficult lesson for me to learn. I don’t want to be the abrasive foreigner who comes to a new country and expects everybody to be and act the way I do. The Koreans themselves don’t say anything when these things happen to them so I follow their example, though it pains me to do it.
I have, however, started to put my foot down when it comes to my apartment building. When people make too much noise after midnight on a weekday and that noise continues for long periods of time, I have decided to knock on their doors and ask them to keep it down. They don’t often open their doors, but they keep it down afterwards. That’s all I want, really.
But I think that this problem stems from an immense city with a large population. Saying sorry to strangers seems to be too much to ask because that would mean that you would have to constantly apologize and I definitely think that Confucious had a say in this attitude as well, especially when regarding how the elders treat younger people.
As I’ve mentioned before, however, once you get to know these people, they make a 180 degree change. They become the sweetest and most generous people I’ve ever met. It is a strange and sometimes confusing country to live in. But I don’t regret a minute of it.
Interestingly enough, my biggest issues and problems here have revolved around, not the Koreans, but the foreigners. I have had more drama in one month with foreigners than I have had in 8 months with Koreans. Yes, that’s right. I’m in my 8th month here. Crazy, right? Time flies.
I never thought about it in quite this way before, but in the end, most relationships have a shelf life. I had made some friends with whom I thought I’d be close and form a strong bond. But each of those relationships reached their expiration dates, much to my dismay and I had to re-evaluate my status here.
I have been able to count on the Korean women at work. They are awesome. We go out to see movies together. We have lunches and dinners and last weekend, we even went to Yoido, an island on the Han River where the cherry blossoms are in bloom. It was a beautifully sunny and warm day and we strolled along the avenue taking pictures of these trees. We then went to have lunch together followed by some frozen yogurt in yet another part of Seoul. It’s such a huge city!
And though I love these friends, there is a point which you cannot cross. The kind of intimacy of conversation that I was able to have with my friends in the West, I cannot have here. There are some invisible barriers that are erected that are not wise to cross. When people have problems here, they tend to keep it to themselves. When they talk about relationships, they give the absolute minimum information and then the conversation is over. And you know how talkative and analytical I am. I need to talk things to death in order to deal with problems. These are the types of issues I’ve been dealing with. Nothing too serious, but a definite sense of solitude that I will have to adjust to. Traveling is wonderful. Exploring a new world is pure magic, but along with those wondrous experiences also come the more sobering aspects of adjusting to a culture not your own. It is a humbling experience that never fails to keep me on the right track.
But separate from the challenges of a new cultures are the challenges that people face around the world, in any situation, at any time. And that is the shelf life theory of relationships.
A person recently told me that he no longer wanted to know me. He merely crossed me off his list. This is the first time anyone has ever wanted to eliminate me from their lives in such a way. It was a very difficult thing to swallow. I started to question myself as a result of his words. I was in shock, wondering how someone could think that I’m such a bad and mean person that they would not want me in their lives anymore. A friend gave me a figurative slap in the face. He became almost impatient with me as he told me that I should not even question my worth or myself as a person. And he’s right. He was part two of my wake-up call. Part one was a lovely Australian friend who let me ramble on until there were no more words. And he reassured me that my honesty, though perhaps a bit difficult to hear at times, is what makes me the person that I am. I have never hidden who I am. I am an open book and those that choose to ignore that side of me will do so to their detriment. I have nothing to apologize for. I have never set out to hurt others and that is a creed that I have promised to uphold. When someone asks for the truth, they must be prepared to hear my version of it as I must be when I ask it of others. So, I have to thank these lovely people in my life; people with whom I see no expiration date: thanks to Ben and Steve.
It is always a humbling experience when others indicate that their ideas of your worth fall far below your own perceptions of your worth. It is definitely important to listen to others and try to understand peoples’ reasons for acting in certain ways. It is also important to determine whether these words are words that you hear repeatedly from others. If they are, this is a reason for pause, but if those words are unique and negative and don’t represent a general impression of what others consider you to be, you must gather your wits about you and maintain your dignity and the trust that you have in yourself. Pain, as difficult as it is to believe at the time of infliction, does fade and we must take that to build upon and learn from.
This is undoubtedly an unusual entry. I have turned the camera away from the country and onto to me. I promise, it shall not always be this way.
Keep reading, I’ve got lots more to say about this fascinating country in upcoming entries.
Love,
L
Of course, it is not perfect. There are aspects to the culture that I think I will always have a hard time dealing with. Those include the incredible rudeness people display in crowds. Apologies are non-existent 95% of the time so you just have to bite your lip and move on. Though in the West I would immediately demand an apology, regardless of the person’s age if they pushed me or cut me off in line, here I’m learning to keep my mouth shut and it is a difficult lesson for me to learn. I don’t want to be the abrasive foreigner who comes to a new country and expects everybody to be and act the way I do. The Koreans themselves don’t say anything when these things happen to them so I follow their example, though it pains me to do it.
I have, however, started to put my foot down when it comes to my apartment building. When people make too much noise after midnight on a weekday and that noise continues for long periods of time, I have decided to knock on their doors and ask them to keep it down. They don’t often open their doors, but they keep it down afterwards. That’s all I want, really.
But I think that this problem stems from an immense city with a large population. Saying sorry to strangers seems to be too much to ask because that would mean that you would have to constantly apologize and I definitely think that Confucious had a say in this attitude as well, especially when regarding how the elders treat younger people.
As I’ve mentioned before, however, once you get to know these people, they make a 180 degree change. They become the sweetest and most generous people I’ve ever met. It is a strange and sometimes confusing country to live in. But I don’t regret a minute of it.
Interestingly enough, my biggest issues and problems here have revolved around, not the Koreans, but the foreigners. I have had more drama in one month with foreigners than I have had in 8 months with Koreans. Yes, that’s right. I’m in my 8th month here. Crazy, right? Time flies.
I never thought about it in quite this way before, but in the end, most relationships have a shelf life. I had made some friends with whom I thought I’d be close and form a strong bond. But each of those relationships reached their expiration dates, much to my dismay and I had to re-evaluate my status here.
I have been able to count on the Korean women at work. They are awesome. We go out to see movies together. We have lunches and dinners and last weekend, we even went to Yoido, an island on the Han River where the cherry blossoms are in bloom. It was a beautifully sunny and warm day and we strolled along the avenue taking pictures of these trees. We then went to have lunch together followed by some frozen yogurt in yet another part of Seoul. It’s such a huge city!
And though I love these friends, there is a point which you cannot cross. The kind of intimacy of conversation that I was able to have with my friends in the West, I cannot have here. There are some invisible barriers that are erected that are not wise to cross. When people have problems here, they tend to keep it to themselves. When they talk about relationships, they give the absolute minimum information and then the conversation is over. And you know how talkative and analytical I am. I need to talk things to death in order to deal with problems. These are the types of issues I’ve been dealing with. Nothing too serious, but a definite sense of solitude that I will have to adjust to. Traveling is wonderful. Exploring a new world is pure magic, but along with those wondrous experiences also come the more sobering aspects of adjusting to a culture not your own. It is a humbling experience that never fails to keep me on the right track.
But separate from the challenges of a new cultures are the challenges that people face around the world, in any situation, at any time. And that is the shelf life theory of relationships.
A person recently told me that he no longer wanted to know me. He merely crossed me off his list. This is the first time anyone has ever wanted to eliminate me from their lives in such a way. It was a very difficult thing to swallow. I started to question myself as a result of his words. I was in shock, wondering how someone could think that I’m such a bad and mean person that they would not want me in their lives anymore. A friend gave me a figurative slap in the face. He became almost impatient with me as he told me that I should not even question my worth or myself as a person. And he’s right. He was part two of my wake-up call. Part one was a lovely Australian friend who let me ramble on until there were no more words. And he reassured me that my honesty, though perhaps a bit difficult to hear at times, is what makes me the person that I am. I have never hidden who I am. I am an open book and those that choose to ignore that side of me will do so to their detriment. I have nothing to apologize for. I have never set out to hurt others and that is a creed that I have promised to uphold. When someone asks for the truth, they must be prepared to hear my version of it as I must be when I ask it of others. So, I have to thank these lovely people in my life; people with whom I see no expiration date: thanks to Ben and Steve.
It is always a humbling experience when others indicate that their ideas of your worth fall far below your own perceptions of your worth. It is definitely important to listen to others and try to understand peoples’ reasons for acting in certain ways. It is also important to determine whether these words are words that you hear repeatedly from others. If they are, this is a reason for pause, but if those words are unique and negative and don’t represent a general impression of what others consider you to be, you must gather your wits about you and maintain your dignity and the trust that you have in yourself. Pain, as difficult as it is to believe at the time of infliction, does fade and we must take that to build upon and learn from.
This is undoubtedly an unusual entry. I have turned the camera away from the country and onto to me. I promise, it shall not always be this way.
Keep reading, I’ve got lots more to say about this fascinating country in upcoming entries.
Love,
L
1 comment:
Hey Leita,
Sounds like you are going through some serious personal learning. Although it is difficult to go through it, especially in a different country and culture, please know that you do have friends back home who love you dearly and think of you often. Perhaps the boy who "crossed you off his list" did you a favour. Honesty is a quality not always appreciated, and you do not want to have that kind of negativity in your life.
Enjoy your new found Korean friends. Although they present you with a different kind of relationship then you are used to, I am sure that they have given you much joy in unusual areas. I think it is wonderful that these women have taken you to experience Seoul with them. What a gift!
I am so glad that you are as introspective as you are. There are not many people who can step outside of themselves to identify how their perceptions and expectations differ from the world around them. The respect that you show by 'following' the norm is incredible. I just wanted to give you kudos for that. I know how hard it is to keep ones mouth shut in a different culture. There is certainly a lesson in all of this, and when you figure it out, let me know (I really do not see the advantage to not speaking my mind all the time, yet).
Whenever you are ready, I would love to see the pictures of the cherry blossom trees. It sounds like you had a wonderful day and I hope that many more days like that will come.
Love, Diana
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